Vanda Alexandra Clare Cotterell
24th May 1940 - 5th October 2005
Memorial Service Hereford Cathedral
25th November 2005
Dearest Al; how often have we heard those words or spoken
them ourselves. Friendship was Al's special talent. Not only
was she friend to so many but she had the knack of spreading
friendship; with her it was contagious. Looking round now I
can see many faces who are friends because Al introduced us;
and I am sure that's true for many here. Even at St Mary's Wantage,
that great seat of learning where Al was educated - or rather
where she was at school - she had at least three best friends
which, I gather, in terms of the accepted norms of an English
girl's school, amounts to serial polygamy.
We all remember Al as a wonderful friend. For many of you as
the St Mary's schoolgirl at the centre of the most popular gang-
if not the most popular with the nuns; the beautiful young mother
at Byford-and gosh was she pretty; the energetic centre of the
county at Garnons; the stalwart Granny at Downshill; the strong
core of the family holding it together in sorrow and triumph.
Each stage of her life left us with joyful happy memories.
Born in Cornwall and raised there and in Wiltshire, at an early
age she found herself looking after her younger brother and
sister; and, according to Sue and Johnny, she has ever since.
After a few years of hectic partying, at nineteen she married
a soldier in the Blues. From then on it was Al and John show;
the two names became inextricably linked. One can't talk of
Al without thinking of John and vice versa. John became the
rock on which the rest of Al's life was based. They were the
perfect foil for each other. Al whipping up a storm of activity
and John calmly "taking it all on the chin", refilling everyone's
glass and stopping Al going too far, or rather from going too
much too far.
By the time she was 22 John had left the army and they moved
to Herefordshire living at and around Garnons for the next thirty
seven years. Garnons was the centre of her life and she loved
it. She enjoyed her good fortune but never forgot how lucky
she was and she showed this by "sharing her toys" - a favourite
phrase. In turn Byford Court, Garnons and Downshill became the
centre of endless entertainments and fun. A Herefordshire Camelot.
Al was very talented and could have succeeded in many fields
but her sense of duty and the importance of the community- Herefordshire
in particular- lead her into public life. The catalogue of her
public duties is formidable and these are set out on the service
sheet. Her skill was to involve people in her projects and ensure
they enjoyed them.
She was an energetic fund-raiser. She organised one of the very
first country house car boot sales enabling her friends to part
with a huge quantity of rubbish at a profit to charity. She
ran innumerable balls, dances, concerts and film premiers and
she knew how to make them fun. Even now I expect the angels
are being coaxed into buying tickets for a concert on behalf
of the Heavenly Host Harp Replacement Fund.
Al cared for all the organisations for which she worked but
there are two Charities in particular for which she had a special
affection; and the way she helped them tells us much about her.
First the Young Farmers where she was President of Herefordshire
for 12 years and Life Vice President of the National Federation.
When John was National President Al's role at the annual conference
was looking after the sponsors. This she did elegantly and enthusiastically
in their special room, entertaining them until they went to
bed at 11 or 12. Then Al would let her hair down, join the young
farmers and be the moving spirit of the party for as long as
it lasted; usually 4 or 5 in the morning
At the other end of the scale she supported her local branch
-Eardisley- in whatever way was needed. For instance for about
ten years she designed, made and painted the scenery for the
drama competition; and she liked to win. Al was very competitive.
Luckily they did on several occasions.
Al's other special charity is the Hereford Cathedral Perpetual
Trust. After years of fundraising for the tower restoration,
a group of the Herefordshire movers and shakers including John
and led by the then Dean, Robert Willis, decided that, with
the future of the Mappa Mundi and the Chain Library assured,
the way to avoid crisis fundraising would be to establish a
fund to meet future contingencies. They all agreed that Al would
be the perfect Chairman and she spent the next four years putting
the fund on its feet. She was so successful that the central
boss of the restored new rose window is dedicated to her.
In 1997 she was awarded the MBE for her services to charity
and earlier this year she was made a Lay Cannon of this wonderful
cathedral. I know that she was extremely touched to be one of
the first Lay Cannons appointed by the cathedral and there are
flowers in her stall today.
However Al did have characteristics not normally associated
with a Lay Cannon. I remember the Radnor and West hunt Ball
at the Red Lion in Weobly in about 1968; She was wearing a Grecian
style dress- very 60s. For some reason she decided to organize
a race around the room; perfectly straightforward except that
you weren't allowed to touch the floor-oh and you had to go
underneath every other table. As a winner emerged from the fray
she announced to the consternation of the organisers that "all
drinks are on the house". Somehow the bottom of the dress had
become detached and she looked wonderful. Suffice to say that
the following year we were asked to stay away.
No challenge was too daunting. For example: Boodle's club in
London is one of the last bastions of male chauvinism and the
main dinning room is strictly "men only". A group of younger
officers, including John, who had served with Lord Harding decided
to hold a dinner at the club in his honour. The wives were also
given dinner but in the ladies annex hidden away in the basement.
This didn't quite suit Al and she and Lady Harding "borrowed"
some uniforms from the waitresses' changing room and appeared
in the dinning room to serve the coffee and port to the party
entertaining Lord Harding. None of the men noticed the changed
faces of the waitresses until they calmly drew up two chairs
and helped themselves to coffee. Shock, horror.
She had a taste for very rude jokes. Billy Connelly and Jethro
were her favourites. Her special trick would be to egg on someone-often
me- to tell one in totally unsuitable circumstances. I would
resist for a bit knowing the pitfalls ahead, but of course in
the end I would give in; for who could resist Al when she turned
on both determination and charm. The inevitable followed accompanied
by frosty stares and tightly pursed lips. But no Al, not today,
not even for you.
She was a devoted and diligent friend. I have been swamped with
stories of her kindness and thoughtfulness about others. One
friend, who sometimes needed Al's support, told me that for
15 years Al always told her where she would be in case she was
needed- even if she was only away for a night. That's friendship.
On another occasion when a great friend had a wedding and funds
were rather short she and John got up at 5am and drove 150 miles
to act as barman and waitress for their friend. So kind, so
practical and so typical.
Although a skilful diplomat who could manage the trickiest situations
in her public life without a ripple she was not always relaxed
and easygoing. Al in a strop was not to be taken lightly. If
you got a rocket you were left in no doubt about her opinion
as I have cause to remember when a football inexplicably landed
in some freshly planted geraniums; two trays of new ones was
the price of redemption. However her displeasure rarely lasted
very long except the Christmas that John gave her an ice-cream
maker- bad enough for a girl who fancied Gucci. To make matters
worse this one had somehow slipped through John's fingers in
Oxford Street so that it no longer quite lived up to the manufacturer's
specification in that it didn't work. I think it was the day
after Boxing Day before things returned to normal. Undaunted
the next year John made a special effort and he gave Al a rowing
machine. On that occasion the strop lasted well into the New
Year.
In spite of her packed life Al did have a hobby - painting;
and she loved it. In any spare moment Al would disappear to
her easel or with her sketchbook. These were her moments of
relaxation and, I think, some of her happiest. Many of her pictures
adorn Herefordshire's walls and greatly we value them. She also
loved her garden and the successful results can be seen at Downshill
which only 8 years ago was a field.
The centre of her life was of course her family; Harry, Milly,
James and Dave; and she was a central figure not only in their
lives but also in the lives of her grand children and siblings.
She took great care of them all - usually. However on one occasion
she drove Harry to the Cathedral School at the start of the
term, left him at the gates and drove home. Some half hour later
there was a call from the school pointing out that the term
started the next day and asking if was she intending to leave
him at the gates overnight.
She excelled as a mother, granny, sister, aunt, godmother. Always
hospitable, always welcoming, always fun. Christmases at Byford
and holidays in Cornwall were particular high spots.
I have tried to share a few memories of Al; inevitably I have
missed a lot and if I have left out the memory that you treasure
particularly, I apologize. To paint the full picture would take
too long. However I have not yet mentioned that part of her
life, which, with her family, was the core of it -her faith
and I want to share one very special memory. When Gordon Whitsun,
her brother-in-law, had cancer Al was walking in the fields
by the river at Byford hoping to find a plover's nest. They
are hard to spot and she had never found one before. She was
praying for Gordon's recovery and she asked God for a sign that
He really existed. At that moment she looked down and there
at her feet was a nest. From that moment she never doubted God's
existence for one minute. She knew God was real and this faith
sustained her through all her troubles.
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